Question About Purity
A few months ago, I received an email from a young woman asking for tips on how to stay pure. She writes:
I found your blog while googling the quote: “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man has to seek Him first to find her.” I am 20 years old and have a boyfriend, but I find it so hard to be pure. I wondered if you had any tips?
In all honesty, I was asking those same questions a few years ago. And this is not to say I have “arrived” in any way or am wise enough to be giving advice. I am only grateful that the Lord has continued to mature me in faith and purity. I only hope I may direct you to the Purifier of hearts, which is Jesus. I wholeheartedly advise you to spend some time in His presence with your Bible and a pen and paper and ask Him what He desire for your purity life. This is how the Lord changes us, by getting before Him and asking our questions and listening to His answers.
I think we must get to the root of these purity questions we ask. Are we wanting a line in the sand telling us how far we can go without upsetting God or a “six step program” to purity? That is really avoiding the main issue. All those questions are focused on physical limits, instead of solving our purity problems where they start: in our hearts.
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” (Matthew 5:8) The Lord used this verse in that period of my life in which I was struggling with the boundaries of purity. Digging deeper into this verse, God showed me that purity of heart is really “singleness of heart”, meaning the heart has one single desire – God Himself. This is where I would start examining myself and desires. Am I relying on a man’s affections to satisfy my heart? Is this boyfriend distracting me from God? Am I completely content in the Lord even if I don’t have a boyfriend?
I love the quote you googled “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man must seek Him first to find her.” We must learn the secret of being “hidden in Christ”. If He is our greatest desire and our supreme focus, we become hidden in Him. We must rid ourselves of the distractions that lead us away from this intimacy with Him.
Which brings me to the second verse that God used to transform my purity life: 1 Corinthians 7:34-35 which says, “The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but the one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint on you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.”
Our time of singleness is designed by God as a special and precious time to secure undistracted devotion to Christ; learning to know Him, rely on Him, and love Him with all our minds, heart, and souls. If a boyfriend (that is not intentionally leading to marriage, in that case the Lord understands) is distracting you from Christ, you have a serious decision to make. In my life, for the time being, I don’t have a boyfriend. There have been opportunities to become involved in a relationship with guys who are great and godly but that I wouldn’t consider marrying, and I have chosen to remain focused on the Lord until He brings the right one, the only one, into my life for marriage.
I won’t pretend that this isn’t hard. It is. But totally worth it. Jesus Christ can satisfy your heart in deeper ways that you can imagine. He loves you with more love than any man could ever give. He wants to be close to you, and for you to trust Him. And obey Him. When and if God plans for you to marry, your marriage and relationship with your husband will be fruitful and holy if you are complete in Christ.
What about you? Any additional advice to share?
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Filed under: Femininity, Reflections, Scripture, Singleness on December 10th, 2008
I'm Kaysie, 22. Jesus follower. Lover of sunshine, trees, hot tea, books, music, family, the gospel, poetry and Barnes and Nobles. Has a weird obsession with paper. Over-analyzes almost everything. Adores simplicity. Lucky for you. 
Hey Kaysie!
Very good post! I always enjoy looking at your blog and reading your great posts!
Thank you for being a bright light in my life!
Carley
After having been put into various situations where I did things, almost did things, or would have done things, all with varying levels of regret, I realized that I was rationing myself and, even with a kiss or a look, giving away parts of my heart to guys that really didn’t deserve it. And in giving away parts of my heart, I was, essentially, robbing my future husband of something he deserved. I asked myself what kind of a person did I want to give my husband. I realized all of this right before I went searching for some answers and help (thus finding this blog). One of Kaysie’s principle messages deals with breaking your alabaster box at the feet of the Lord.
For a long time after finding this blog, I worried about whether or not I had truly dropped my alabaster container at the feet of the Lord. I am now realizing that I have because since this summer, I have been placed in temptation more than once, but I haven’t been tempted to stray.
You need to make an accord with yourself where you determine what your limits are. For me, I drew the line at kissing and looking at a guy with love in my eyes (that’s not the best phrasing, but that’s what I can come up with during finals week). Many people would argue that those are pretty harmless things. After you draw your line, you need to pray about it. A lot. Constantly ask yourself whether your alabaster box is at the Lord’s feet.
It’s not going to be easy, especially at first. But over time, your resolve will strengthen. Remember that God is the one who should have your heart right now and one day you will give your heart to your husband. Remember also that you’re human. You will make mistakes. God will forgive you because He loves you unconditionally and the man He made for you will love you almost as perfectly as God and will forgive you also.
Purity really is a hard principle (and lifestyle) to learn, I can say that easily because I don’t have it yet!
And to the women asking the question, it isn’t (like Kaysie said) just a simple thing to do, or some list we can find, but in my mind, a HUGE concious dicision to live “hidden in Christ”. Which also means being committed to follow him. But it’s worth it! Christ is the only real life there is, and living purely in him and for him, is greater than any other dicision anyone can ever make. So… That’s what think! 
I love your blog, Kaysie!
Carley, aww, you are so sweet. Thank you. I am glad you enjoy my blog.
Lori, wonderful thoughts – thank you so much for sharing. What you said about the alabaster box really makes a lot of sense. We must be willing to give everything to our Lord, including our desires and our purity. I enjoyed reading your response.
Anonymous, great thoughts as well! It is a big conscious decision we have to resolve in our hearts or else we will sway at the first moment of temptation. Difficult? Yes. But worth it? Oh yes…
Thanks for your thoughts!
“I won’t pretend that this isn’t hard. It is. But totally worth it.”–Kaysie
But Totally Worth It: that is the big point to grasp.
Whether I wanted to or not, I have been single single single single single for 95% of my life. That is, 24.5 of 26 years. It has taken all that, plus today, this hour, for Christ to continue teaching me that I DO NOT NEED another human being to complete me. I’m not “serving time” until He ALLOWS me to finally be WITH someone. I am living a life for the Glory of God, and if that is served by my being “yoked” with another human being, He will bring that person to me.
That lesson is so hard to learn. But until you can rest in that, I mean KNOW it, instead of believe it or hope it, a life of purity will seem like a high standard to keep.
I see it like this:
It’s hard to drive in a straight line if you are looking out your side windows at the scenery.
Jillian, it is a hard lesson to learn that we don’t need anyone else to make us complete. For me it is almost a daily lesson.
Thanks.
What you said is so true, our life isn’t on hold until we “find someone” to be with. Our life is meant to be lived fruitfully and passionately, with or without a husband. Your advice about driving while looking out the windows is SO true.
There have been some many wise words given on this issue, that I don’t know if I can add much more to this, but I just wanted to share two of the things that have helped me this year.
The first thing is the answer an older woman in my ministry group gave to the “How far is too far” question. She told us that you should never be thinking how cloe to the line you should go. If you’ve gotten that far, you’re already too close. You need to be thinking “how far can I stay back”. And I guess the hardest thing is this goes for our thoughts as well – often one of the biggest problem areas for girls.
The second is a hard question to ask yourself, but it has helped me through some difficult decisions. “Am I prepared to give this relationship up to better serve God’s kingdom?” If you can’t honestly say yes to that question, then it’s time to step back and reassess.
Kit, those are GREAT thoughts. I found the last question to be painfully true. We must be willing to sacrifice everything for God’s kingdom. Thank you for sharing, Kit.
The thing is, The Word of God tells us how to live. Jesus must be so apart of our life that we desire to please him in all things…………As Paul puts it, in him we live and move and have our being! The reality is, in life, we usually learn through experience that not waiting for God’s choice of mate for us has dior consequences. As ladies, we should put it all behind us and set our eyes on Jesus…………he supplies all of our needs………..and all in due course, he will provide a mate who is better than anything who we would have ever hoped or conceived for ourselves………….Trusting and Waiting on the Lord is a Good Thing!!! Stay pure for Jesus, he will bless you for it!!!
Great thoughts! Another absolutely wonderful resource is the facebook group “True Love Waits”. Time spent reading the discussion forums is not wasted.
One important thing I learned there is that the question is not “How far is too far” but “what is best.” Changed my life.
Thanks for everything Kaysie, I love your blog!